I had my third pre-operative chemo treatment this past Monday and the main side effect has been fatigue. I walk the dog a couple of blocks and feel like I have just hiked five miles. I am not used to being so physically drained, and I can't say that I am handling it with good grace.
Truth be told, I'm discouraged and am finding it hard to focus on the long-range goal of killing off the cancer cells before surgery. Objectively, I know that this whole process is pretty much going to take a year. Emotionally, I don't feel much like being a good sport about it.
My lack of focus is also a problem when it comes to accomplishing anything substantive. I have some big projects on my "to-do" list, such as purging and organizing 60 years worth of photos and compiling decades worth of personal essays into a comprehensive whole—but I realize that I simply do not have the energy to tackle those projects.
I did organize my socks.
Thinking about how to improve my focus, I realize that I should not have left my meditation practice slide. When I was meditating regularly, I was much more productive and focused. So, I've decided to make mediation a priority again. Everyone tells me it's a good tool to use in the treatment of cancer, too; so there is plenty of incentive to get my act together.
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