This is assuming the date for surgery does not change. This latest blood panel came in "abnormal" on just about every test. My oncologist wants me to have another blood panel later this week to see if the results were in error or reflect real problems that would require rescheduling surgery.
Quite frankly, the more I know about what will be done to me, the more anxious I become. I had a truly terrifying nightmare last night about a gang slashing me with long knives.
I asked about taking Valium before surgery and got the OK for that. I also met with my naturopath to see if there is anything else I can do to prepare myself and deal with my anxiety. He advised me to fill every waking hour with activity…to focus on anything and everything that has nothing to do with the upcoming surgery. He also gave me a supplement that will help me heal with minimal scar tissue.
I bought a diffuser and aromatherapy oils that are supposed to relieve stress and relax me. I am also working out in our building's fitness center several days a week and am sticking with my no-grains-or grain-products and no-added-sugar diet. (I have dropped 11 of the 28 pounds I needed to lose to get to the ideal weight for my height and bone structure.)
My hair continues to slowly grow back. There is enough of it now that I am going out without a scarf or wig… but I look forward to the day when it is more than one inch long! The color has not changed from its white and gray, but my normally straight hair is wavy now…something that is evidently common after chemo.
Mostly, I feel OK physically; but the emotional load feels heavy. I still have a lot to deal with—surgery, radiation, physical therapy, years of medication, and twice-yearly screenings. Cancer will affect the rest of my life, and that's a sobering reality. I realize how many people I know who are on the same journey, and I certainly hope that the current research will improve both the prevention and treatment of this disease for future generations.
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